You Are Not Your Thoughts.

I was having a moment. Like I always do. However, this moment was crazy because I was contemplating a certain goal I had in mind. Now the interesting part about this is as soon as this brilliant idea manifested within me, you know what I did?

I shut the idea down. 

It was so easy for me to come up with excuses instead of stepping into this idea regardless of how scary it was. But I couldn’t help myself. Nevertheless, I can’t be the only one that suffers from this.

We all do.

Now here’s what got me thinking…why do I think that way?

I was part of an accountability partnership program earlier this year, and the founder (a big shout out to Mxolisi Shange) said something so profound in one of our one-to-one conversations. He shared how he loves to explore all those thoughts that come with the imposter syndrome- the insecurities and doubts- because in a way they teach him about himself.

And he’s right. Have you ever wondered why you think the way you do? Why you react the way that you do?

The unfortunate thing is that as an African young child, we have been programmed and conditioned from a young age to be the perpetrators of our own doom. We believe that we are inadequate; and that certain platforms should not be created by us because someone else will step in. We believe that certain opportunities aren’t meant for us so we hold ourselves back. We believe that we are powerful but not powerful enough…and sometimes we allow those voices in our head to drown out the greatness that lurks beneath us- the same greatness that is patiently waiting for you to let it out of its cage.

Well, like I did in my moment of self-reflection, I appeal to you to step out of your head. If you don’t claim the opportunities that lay in your midst, then who will? If you don’t jump into the unknown, then are you willing to accept a life of complacency? A life of inadequacy?

I’m not. That’s why I consistently choose to wrestle my mind and also study my thoughts to become even better…and you can too.

Here are a few steps on how you can at least learn to take control of your thoughts to be better and to keep achieving every one of your brilliant ideas because we need to see them in action.

1. Stop repressing those feelings of insecurity.

   Study them. Write them down. Reflect on them. Say them out loud. But please never push them away because you will marvel at the things they reveal about you.

I realized that my insecurities stemmed from my own deep-rooted thoughts about myself and not even from my surroundings or my parents. I spent years carrying this slight anger that was directed at my parents because I believed they were the cause of me being so hard on myself. Although they had their moments, I realized that somehow when I was growing up, I convinced myself that I was not good enough. That there were platforms I was never meant to step into and that as great as I am at times, I was never great enough. But the question I never asked myself is why I couldn’t be great enough. Why couldn’t I be on those platforms or better yet create those platforms? The point is, I was selling myself short and so do many of us.

Consequently, at any time when those thoughts arose, I repressed them because I believed that I was doing myself a favor but I was only tearing myself down. My four-year healing journey revealed so much to me- I’m not going to go into detail- but I realized that we have the potential to change our thoughts which in turn changes how we behave. Nonetheless, to do that, we must observe our repressed thoughts and insecurities, because the power to push and pull ourselves up lies in those lies we’ve believed about ourselves for years.

 In addition, I had allowed myself to stay in the same places because I feared facing my demons or repressed emotions, and it is that same fear that caused me to remain in a state of complacency for years- crippled into believing that I couldn’t be better than my own lies. So, fight your mind. Don’t allow yourself to remain in a place of complacency especially because you have all the means to step out of it.

2. Affirm yourself in everything that you do.

   For some reason, we believe that we are being cocky when we recognize our greatness, but you aren’t. Never miss out on an opportunity to celebrate every milestone or success. Affirm yourself through every experience and every obstacle too. Affirm yourself even when those doubts creep in. Yes, you’re in this position at the moment, but so what? You’re still capable. You’re still gifted. Affirm, affirm, affirm. You’ve got it and you can do it!

3. Be honest.

   Honesty is key. So many of us get triggered by what others say about us and it’s not because it hurts, but it’s because we realize that we have left ourselves unaccountable to so many underlying issues within us. It’s so important to be honest with yourself about your capabilities and weaknesses. In addition, the beautiful thing about life is that you can turn those same weaknesses right into capabilities, but only if you believe and are patient with yourself. 

4. This has to be one of the most difficult ones for me but one of the most rewarding. Don’t be afraid of failure.

   The truth is, when we are younger we are taught to fear failure so we work incredibly hard to ensure that we keep ourselves from failing. However, through failure lies one of the greatest growth opportunities. Furthermore, in failure lies the opportunity to be redirected. The funny thing about life is that we sometimes do not know what we want until we are put in weird positions or places, that’s the power of redirection right there. Being placed in a moment of what you see as failure, and going through a period of metanoia that unearths a passion you didn’t even realize you had and, in turn, shoots you towards another path in life. That is something that has happened to me before and it’s one of the most powerful things about life. Failure equates to a purposeful redirection.

Therefore, allow yourself to fail. Allow yourself to learn from it, to grow, and to be groomed. And remember, there’s nothing that you can’t bounce back from!

5. Be mindful of what you expose yourself to.

   The way that you think is a reflection of the things that you consume. If you’re consuming hateful or negative content daily, then that is what you shall reap. Consequently, if you fill your mind with success, growth, and positivity, you shall reap thoughts that reflect that. Nonetheless, this is not to say that you will always think positively but when you have exposed yourself to certain content, there’s an awareness and wisdom that you attain that allows you to gage your mind when certain thoughts creep in and in turn closely lead your mind back into focus. Nevertheless, if the content that you’re already filling your mind with is lacking, then it becomes difficult for you to steer your mind in the right direction because you clearly lack a certain level of awareness and wisdom. 

6. It is important to dedicate space in your life for Spirituality or Religion. 

   As a Christian, I receive so much grace and wisdom from the Bible. Religion or spirituality keeps you grounded and at peace. Also, it keeps you equipped for battles that are out of your control- i.e. spiritual battles. Our world is not black and white, and it is important to remember that certain spirits roam our world, since we are also spiritual beings. So constantly dedicate time to ensure that your spirit is clean and purified. In a world that is not certain, there’s one thing that you can be certain about- and that is God, the power of having a relationship with God and prayer. Matthew 19 v 26 states that ‘with man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible’. So trust and believe, that God will always steer you in the right direction.

Nonetheless, remember that life isn’t narrow, or straight. Our paths are quite different from one another and consequently, we can never control what occurs in our lives. However, we can control what we put into our lives. So by controlling and observing your thoughts, you can decide what you choose to put into your life. 

There are already so many haters in the world, don’t choose to become one for yourself.

Lastly, remember this. Your thoughts have the power to empower you or disempower you. You can choose to lead your thoughts to a continued life of empowerment or a continued life of disempowerment. 

You choose.